can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
