The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
