I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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