Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
