I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
