My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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