I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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