if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
