Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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