It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
