Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
