Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
