she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
