I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
