you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
