I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
