I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
