So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
