oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
