I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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