i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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