hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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