It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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