Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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