the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
