I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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