youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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