I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
