Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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