I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
