Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
