just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
