I just cut my nipple shaving
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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