i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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