I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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