he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
