I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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