Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
