East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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