Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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