I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
