My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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