I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
