There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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