I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
