I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
