You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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