something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
