Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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