If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
