..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
