I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
